On The Island

May 29, 2025

Last week ended my second year as a part-time Math Interventionist at my school. Year 2 was better than Year 1, but only marginally. I never would have guessed when the doctors convinced me to take sick leave on March 8, 2021 after trying for six weeks to continue teaching that 4+ years later helping students and teachers two hours a day would be all I could do.

Don’t get me wrong. I am extremely grateful to have found my way to the island in the awful sea of Long Covid. For the first two years, it took everything I had to claw my way onto the raft only to be knocked back off by some setback. It seemed like I would never find the horizon, let alone an island on which to rest.

But I did. Because you never let me give up.

Finally having the scale tipped in favor of pain free days has allowed me to breathe and refocus while on the island. And venture off. Sometimes. Venturing off is amazing. I love helping kids who have never believed they are good at math. I love watching my own kids reach for the moon and land among the stars. I love being their mom.

But every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which in my case means being sent back to the island. In my former life of run, run, run, time on an island alone is something I would have dreamed of. But as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. It’s not all glamorous. It’s lonely, it’s physically hard work to survive, it’s mentally hard to stay with it.

As time continues to pass, I look in the rear view mirror less. Contrary to what I once believed, Long Covid isn’t a brief space between living my old life and returning to it. Long Covid has brought me to a completely new life, one of being present in the moments of celebration, present in hugs filled with love, present in little wins of making it to a restaurant or playing in the pool with my niece, present in smiles of students who are glad I’m in class to help them.

I continue to work to reverse the effects of my Covid brain damage and Covid muscle damage. My doctors have told me from the beginning, just because they don’t see the damage, doesn’t mean it’s not there; they just didn’t know what to look for or where to look yet. They do now. Although the prognosis isn’t amazing, yet, it doesn’t mean it won’t change. Between my exercises and weekly Neurofeedback sessions, I am making gains. I am not in a constant state of fight or flight and the world isn’t always moving too fast. The neuro-rehab feels never ending - when I conquer one exercise, there’s always more. But the good news is with time and practice, my brain eventually keeps up.

Here’s to looking forward to summer!

Beginning neuro-exercises in December, I could barely lift my foot while looking up.

Followed by making good progress in late May.